Wackyloonies

The bluster, the rain, I love this weather even if I can’t get wardrobe together to make it easy. I mean it would HELP to have pants hemmed for my height and now getting wet on the mudd ground etc.

Anyhow, it’s 12:34

you know who you are.

I haven’t blogged in so long I am envisioning this essentially an online journal by now. Which would entail WAY more whining than I’m in the mood for. Instead, I’m feeling grateful and sad simultaneously. There must be a  word for that in yiddish. Grateful for the people in my inner ring, family especially. Sad for the suffering. I spent some time on facebook tonight and what sticks with me is a high school pal sick with cancer. She is the portrait of female mensch, smart, funny, lovely and sooo warm. She was a grade above me, had ample friends, and yet it was an easy undemanding friendship. You know, I was going to go on, with other notices of sickness, surgery, sudden death, and childhood falls. but no.

Instead I want to let it all inspire me. To connect in a meaningful way with those I love. Heck, more simply perhaps to just be gentler, kinder, more forgiving, less judgemental, less PISSY when soooo much is right. And perhaps, just MAYBE to get my act together and figure out how to give back in this life. Dunno what I’m waiting for.

I focus so much of my minute to minute energy on shaping my little loves. But the example i set in daily life falls sooo far short. I want them to be active and healthy and take joy and pleasure in movement. But when was my last situp, swim, or gym session? I want them to be generous with others and to hold tightly their relationships and lightly their material possessions. But I am clutter goddess and cannot let things go that MIGHT be useful. And I keep buying them gifts when they have too much to sort through and focus on to play with already. Oi! WHY did I buy each of them hannukah gifts for each of 8 nights and with my parents additions 8 joint gifts for them to share? really? 24 new things? SO to makeup for it I am newly determined to get rid of the excess to donate toys and clothes to those children with less than TOO MUCH. But then I realize, ok, that’s good…but what about MY stuff? Oh.

Sincerely hoping for one great gift and nothing else from the family big Xmas extravaganza.

Of course, i DID update my wishlist, and at Zelda’s request went and created one for her which she asks me to update regularly…

aiaiai.

OK, Tomo’s offline. Me too then.